ATTENTION! This is a Rotting Dead safety alert! *Warning* - The following shelters have been closed due to overwhelming zombie activity in the area: Midtown Civic Center/Tucson,AZ - Dearborne Athletic Center/Boulder,CO - Carlin Research Institute/Dover,DE - Maestro Convention Center/Miami,FL - Brady's Memorial Hospital/Lansing,MI - Kindgom Hospital/Castle Rock,ME - Greens Elementary/St. Louis,MO - Allied Mutual West/Minneapolis,MN - Sunrise Medical Ceter/Hendricks,NV - Glasgow Shiners Convention Center/Ennis,MT - Las Alemedas Civic Hall/San Antonio,TX - Harris County Hospital District/Houston,TX - Pallisades Community Center/Salt Lake City,UT - - - Bloggers are urged to remain in their homes and stay away from highly populated areas of the city. This message will repeat....

Monday, August 02, 2004

Surviving the Zombie Plague

The dead are returning to life to consume the living. Why? Allow me to explain. You have no doubt seen one of the hundreds of documents similar to this one. This is just another one. Perhaps you have read one before, perhaps you are thinking "Ug, not another one!." or Perhaps you have NEVER ever read anything of this sort before. Either way, you are here, you may as well read on..:-)

There are so many theories as to the cause of the zombie plague. The most popular being:

  • Virus
  • Chemical (accidental)
  • Chemical (Biological Warfare)
  • Extraterrestrial Origin (Radiation from Outer Space)
  • Armageddon

There have been mention of several of these in various movies but few have come out and stated the cause specifically. Perhaps that adds mystery to the plot. In any case, there are numerous websites on the subject and articles out the wahzoo! Again this is just one blogger's point of view.

In the end (no pun intended, seriously) the fact remains the same. The dead rise and attack the living. They comsume some but many are only partly eaten and therefore rise to join the ranks of the living dead. This process can be explained by all of the theories in question. A virus could be transmitted, a chemical can have a reaction on tissue both living and dead, and even fulfillment of some biblical prophecy lends credibility to such events.

What may be most important to focus on is survival. There are certainly logical reasons for supporting a research effort to solve the problem, however until such a solution is reached survival should be the main focus. Survival of us as individuals, as a society, and as a species. So we must learn the basics in order to survive.

Rule #1: Learn how to destory the enemy effectively. Zombies do not fuction without direct stimulation from their brain. Unlike the living dead parody series titled "Return of the Living Dead", zombies will indeed cease to function once their brain has been destoyed or removed from the rest of the body. So please note the following ways in which a zombie can be stopped.

  • A gunshot directly to the brain. -This includes a single bullet right between the eyes which shatters the brain within the skull cap, a shotgun blast to the head which explodes all the contents, and multiple shots to the head which shred the tissue within.
  • Severing the head from the body.-A sharp machete will do the trick. Please remember that this calls for close proximity and requires honed skill. So be sure and practice!
  • Burning the body completely.-The flame thrower is a favorite among zombie hunting enthusiats, but remember a well placed malatov cocktail can also do the trick. If you plan to reamin in the area please make sure the brain has been consumed by the flames before you consider the ghoul destoryed.
  • Smashing the brain to bits.-Of course if you have no other weapons but a handy baseball bat, use repeatedly. With enough blunt force to the same area you can eventually smash the vital organ. If you have no weapons at all, do not use your fist. Run away and find something else!!

These methods are tried and true and should be considered basic training to anyone expecting a zombie plague. You know who you are....;-)

Rule #2: Never go out alone. If you do not have eyes in the back of your head (like some moms do) you cannot see something creeping up behind you. And please don't spout that crap about zombies making enough noise due to their clumsiness, you obviously have not seen enough horror movies to realize that when you least expect a danger to appear that is when you will most likely be attacked.

Rule#3: Don't go into buildings if it is not absolutely necessary. Food and water can be found out in the open just about everywhere (fruits, vegetables, animals, lakes streams, rivers) as can places for relieving yourself & staying clean. Going into a building for other items of need (guns, gas, generators, medical supplies) require a group effort, which you cannot participate in if you have not followed Rule #2.

Rule #4: The concept of friends and family ends with contamination. If a person is bitten or scratched by a zombie, chances are they will die and turn into the living dead. Do not wait for this to happen. Since times vary due to level of contamination, it is best to say a quick prayer with/for them and exterminate them with no reservations. Sounds cruel, I know but we are talking about survival here at all costs.

Now, what about all this Mall business? Holding up in a mall may sound like a pretty good idea,but please consider that you will be there (providing there are no break ins or deaths on the premises handled incorrectly) for about 10 years. You see evidence suggests that a reanimated body will continue to function until the decay of rot reaches the brain tissue. So even as zombies find walking no longer possible (due to the extreme usage that comes from wandering around looking for live human flesh) they are still deadly as long as their arms and mouths still work.

So I suggest skipping ahead directly to an island get away. Get about 50 of your closest friends and find a remote island, clear it of any existing zombies and spend about 15 years soaking up some sunshine. That should be plenty of time to return to the mainland and scope things out. Of course if others were not as smart as you, (poor saps who never took the time to read this blog for example) there may be a couple thousand zombies still wandering around. Good luck taking back the mainland and starting over.

  • Today's Cure song is "Play for Today" from the Seventeen Seconds CD - (1979) This is a song from their second album released in the United States. It has the classic guitar riffs of their early work which make it a very singable tune!

"It's not a case of telling the truth,some lies just fit the situation. Call me a liar, you would anyway"



Blogger Audra said...

This was very informative and as I hope I never encounter any damn zombies, I'll be a zombie ass-kicker now if I do!

Tuesday, August 03, 2004 9:16:00 AM  
Blogger Lana said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Tuesday, August 03, 2004 9:59:00 AM  
Blogger Linda Rae said...

Another good post CJ :)

Friday, September 24, 2004 3:03:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If A Zombie Outreak ever occured I Would Take Refuge with The US Military because:#1. lots of well soldiers armed with m-16s,m-60s,combat shotguns and other weapons, also they would have secure locations that are zombie free and well guarded by tanks and helicopters. also u could be evacuated to a air craft carrier.

If Any of you would like to chat abbout this email me at my name is cory

Sunday, June 05, 2005 5:14:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

if you have no weapons and escape is not a option strike the zombie in the nose with the palm of your hand then flee for more information visit the federal vampire and zombie agency website (fvza)

Sunday, May 06, 2007 12:39:00 PM  
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Thursday, June 14, 2007 12:12:00 PM  
Anonymous Buy Levitra said...

Great article! Thanks.

Saturday, August 18, 2007 7:25:00 PM  
Anonymous Phentermine said...

Thanks for interesting article.

Sunday, August 19, 2007 12:44:00 AM  

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